Exhibited: (2023) The Light Factory | Glimmers of the Hidden and Seen Exhibition | Two person exhibition with Ashley Kauschinger
It had been years since experiencing crisis. The comfortable and familiar came back to haunt me again making me feel like I had regressed. As if I had never healed. Asking myself, what was all that time spent journaling, meditating, exploring self for, if I was to end up back here? That voice in my head seeing how vulnerable I was and taking this opportunity to attack. "You're not good, you're not kind, you're not even capable, you're not enough". Since my college years I have been equipped with knowledge of crisis resources. I know that I have support, cutting my hair just seemed like the necessary thing to do at the time. I had been taking self-portraits for three years and transparently it had replaced therapy, in collaboration with all of my other tools and resources. Amidst a crying debut, cutting my hair still did not feel like enough. My bathroom sink was cluttered with makeup and once I eyed the eyelash glue I knew. I glued the hair to my face. It was soft and damp with a sweet aroma that smelled like nothing in particular. On my face it felt light and soft. When I sat down I embraced myself. Somehow, this is what the little girl in me needed. The hair replacing the sting of tears on my face, the expressions of pain replaced with self-soothing hugs and soft giggles. The voice fading away in realization that I had not regressed rather, this moment in time was a true testament to how much I had grown. I am enough. Removing the hair was a delicate balance of pleasure and physical pain. A sweet feeling of catharsis and a true representation of the evening. A monumental moment in time and space. I am healing, I am good, I am kind, I am capable, I am enough.